Living Will Hawaii Free
NEW POEM! PLEASE tell me what u think!?
“Traveling The World”
Brittany
To have nothing to hold you back, completely free
Being able to do what your heart desires and what to see.
Not needing anyone, to go out on your own to see the world.
To sail in a boat or to take a plane, the whole world would be circled
The towers of Italy or Oceans of Hawaii, it is all up to you.
There will never be a sight or a smell as wonderful as the ocean’s blue
My dream is to one day see those sights that I have thought for so long.
To sit in a hotel room, and explain all of the things I have seen in a simple song.
Whether I would take a friend, or go on my own I am not sure.
To see anything past the age of seventeen is all a blur.
As for the moment, I will live in my small town with my friends.
Living life as a teenager, before I know it, all of it will end.
You need some punctuation after “completely free”
“what to see” is a bit awk, not sure how you can rephrase
“world” and “circled” don’t really go so well…. maybe
“to take a plane or to sail in a boat, with the sail unfurled” ?
“as the ocean’s blue” sounds better as “as the ocean is blue” (punctuation after ‘blue’)
“that I have thought for so long” might be better as “of which I have thought for so long” or “that I have thought of for so long”
“Whether I would take a friend, or go on my own I am not sure.” might be better as “Whether I would take a friend or go on my own, I am not sure.”
“To see anything…” might be better as “Anything….”
I really liked this poem, especially the line “There will never be a sight or a smell as wonderful as the ocean’s blue.” You make the audience want to travel with you! Thanks for sharing 
DIAMOND HEAD HD “Waydes World Hawaii”
