Living Will Vs Advance Directives
If and how to ask parents about their will?
My parents are both getting up there in age and one is in a wheelchair the other using a cane. I know I don’t have a right to know their business but being one of their primary caretakers I feel I should know about such things as, advance directives, wills, etc.
How do I ask without coming off as being nosey?
I don’t even know if they each have an advance directive or a power of attorney or a will and if they don’t they should have one. I don’t care who gets what just as long as they do have a will but I do care a great deal about advance directives (living wills) for their health care in the event they cannot make decisions.
It’s just messy when a parent passes without anything. A will can save alot of family issues.
Am I off on this or not? If not, how do I ask without sounding like I’m being nosey vs. concerned?
You are right on being concerned. I worked as a social worker for 11 years, and I have seen families torn apart because there were no advance directives in place. PLEASE discuss this with them. It is critical that you have IN WRITING what their wishes are in the event that there is a requirement for life sustaining measures, i.e. ventilators, tube feedings(nasal and gastric), IV nutrition. PLEASE get involved, especially as one of the care takers for them.
Also, as far as a will, I would also discuss this with them too. AND to save face as to not look like a gold digger (not that you are, just others may take it that way) have a lawyer draw it up. THEN have a fiduciary or conservator execute when they pass. This will save the hardships that fall on the executor of the will, as well as any pointing the finger if it doesn’t work out the way everyone expects.
Also make sure that the funeral arrangements are all taken care of–burial, flowers, coffins, plots etc—I know that is morbid, but if you had seen what I have seen in families being petty and arguing about such stupid trivial things in the death of family members you wouldn’t ask—you would just be sure that it was taken care of!!!!
advanced directives
